I will not delete this; I will not delete this; I will not delete this

My thoughts are just out of grip
My wall is up
My shoulders feel stiff.
The push of waves against my chest
The constant reminder
The heartfelt lack of rest.
That stinging tinge as the cold creeps in
That frost
That reaches out to every limb.
To stop would be so hard in this place
To go on would mean
To fight off inevitable angst.
I cling to all the warm thoughts I can hold
I cling to the comfort
I can not get from the cold.
My mind tugs at my bodies will
My throat closes up
My heart, it spills.

Jotting down a quick thought

I can't wait to forget about all of this and all of you.

I'll add more later.

[Later]

I suppose I don't really mean that. Ever have those days where you just want to get away from everyone and everything? I'm sure everyone has them. I've had a lot of them lately. Wish it was simple to just go and start over somewhere. What I don't like about feeling this way is that I can't really put my finger on the reason why. I feel like maybe I just need a big trip. I like to get away because when you're off somewhere, far enough away, you can't sit and worry about all the things you need to do because there is nothing you can do about it.  I love that feeling when you can finally just think about "the now". When I am in my daily routine I'm always thinking of what is next and it is extremely hard for me to turn that off. I think it would be nice if I could try to work on this, I'm just not quite sure how to.

Chit Chat

        Just felt like jotting some things down. The last week has been full of a bunch of ups and downs for me and I believe I may be feeling a bit worn down and exhausted. As I have mentioned before I am terrible with change but this last week, I have never felt more ready for it. I even feel excited about a lot of it....at moments at least. At the end of the day when I lay down and start letting my mind get the best of me, I remember how terrified I am. I am ready to take a big leap and make some very serious changes in my life, but at the same time I really do not want them to end up being a bad decision. I know that sometimes you just need to take that risk but, it makes me uneasy. Which then makes me feel anxious, which then makes me write haha.
       I probably need to find a way to outlet some of my nervous energy. Maybe a new workout.....or maybe something else. Any ideas? haha

Side note, heres a picture of me and a corgi puppy :)

Infinity - The Xx

After all the time
After you
Had you seen me with someone new
Hanging so high for your return
But the stillness is a burn

Had I seen it in your eyes
There'd have been no try after try
Your leaving had no goodbye
Had I just seen one in your eyes

I can't give it up
To someone elses touch
Because I care too much


Could you tell
I was left lost and lonely
Could you tell
Things ain't worked out my way

Wish the best for you
Wish the best for me
Wished for infinity
If that ain't me

Give it up
I can't give it up

Day Off

Read this, and it just made me laugh at myself:

Your Daily Horoscope

You are getting mixed messages about your love life today. On the one hand your significant other or a potential partner seems determined to get together with you, but then they suddenly switch gears and want to challenge your ideas. Keep things light if you can.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I love when my horoscope is strangely accurate. 

I am trying to ground myself today, stay level headed and well, not let silly things from this horoscope fog my mind. So, I will most likely bake. =) I may possibly begin trying to reorganize myself, I have this serious urge to go through my closet and drawers and start purging and organizing. I'll try to post about some of this later, if nothing else I will post about my baked goods :).
Random thought, I kind of want to take a photography class.



"Once said, words can make a world of their own." - Stars

Misleading, Misdirecting, and Missing

I have far too many concepts on my mind to write anything with any sort of direction right now. I feel like I am at another one of those points where life is forcing me to change, and of course, I am trying my best to resist. On top of that, I am still trying to focus my concern for others on to more concerns about myself. I suppose life is also trying to show me in many different ways that I should be more concerned for myself. It is very difficult to not look back on the more recent past and think about how you would like things to just be that way again. I think it is a natural instinct to think that way but, obviously not a healthy one.

I think about the way other people treat one another, and how I have been treated by others. I wonder if I act that way towards people?  I am sure we all have our moments. Really makes me think about how I treat my loved ones. I hope I am able to show them how much they mean to me. I hope they know enough that when I have a moment that is less then great, that they never even doubt how much I care.

Actions speak louder then words, and accepting that can be very hard. I know in time everything will feel right and whole. For now, I will just try to accept the fact that things are changing. Eventually I am sure I will see it is all for the best...

I write because I feel, I can feel however I want.

            I have recently learned something, something that may seem a bit obvious to some. I learned that it is o.k. to feel. Not only am I allowing myself to feel however I might at any given moment, I am not feeling sorry for it. No guilt for me, the way I feel can not be changed. If I act inappropriately because of my feelings, then I may have something to apologize for but, I can not simply be sorry for feeling. In regards to my efforts to rid my mind of negative thoughts (oh, how foolish of me) I have learned a very important lesson, that those thoughts are there for a reason. They need to be addressed, and let out occasionally, just don't let them run your life. I am learning that to find my place in "true happiness"the first step is myself, all of myself. Including unwanted thoughts and feelings. The good, the bad, and the ugly...because in the end, you are the one that has to live with yourself.









"It's fashionable now to say that any mistake is made by both of you. That's not always true. One person can easily kill another." - J.W.